Walked by Faith, walking by faith, walking by .....

I have been walking by Faith all of my life. It has not always been easy. Heck life is not always easy. Most of my life has been blessed with family, education and making a decent living. I came out of a dysfunctional abusive childhood. Most of the time believing (FAITH) in something better to come. The glass is usually half full.
I have always used suicide as a coping mechanism, since I was 12 or 13 when things got hard. I now know that it was the only control I felt I had over the situation at the time. It was always an option well into my late 30's. With more wisdom, ha ha, now I know that suicide hurts too many people. I was saved from executing my plan one afternoon by a simple phone call. There was enough of a distraction to nix the plan.
Anger bubbles up occasionally. I made the choice to get rid of the pain and remove an aggressive tumor. There are days, I would choose to exercise my right to pass with dignity. I know I have purpose, just struggling, as many do, with what that is. It's too easy to see what I can't do, or have lost, then what I can do. Right now the hardest part is not knowing how it will turn out. In my head (self talk) I can talk just fine, It's when I open my mouth, just sounds so garbled. This is nothing compared to what others have gone through. It's just difficult. I have to accept the plan, however different it is from what I had envisioned. Positive affirmation, I will walk by FAITH!