Finding myself isolated

Once again I'm finding myself more isolated. After going to the doctor for a check up on the skin graft on my leg, I head to San Diego to visit family. My leg is healed, doc actually said, you should have emailed me a picture and saved the trip. Oh, well I really need to get out.
I feel really isolated, at home I'm really not a part of the family. I can't eat with the family, nor can I talk very well for sustained periods of time. I sound like an idiot. I know I'm experiencing some depression. I'm somewhat despondent. Mostly when I think about the future. I have brief periods of self talk about travel once I recover from this ordeal with the dreaded CANCER! I broke down to my daughter, she encouraged me to get help. I have been in counseling before and have benefited from it. I don't really want to visit family again. I know they all mean well, say I'm doing so well and staying strong. No one really gets it. No one really understands! I have lost so much, I'm the only one that can turn it around and not let it get me. It's not like I don't have fun or a good time, laugh. It's the low after the fun that gets me. Too much of a roller coaster ride for me, at this time in my life. I just don't want to be around people.
Heading home tomorrow after visiting my Dad in the desert. The wind blew madly upon arrival two days ago, and now it is blowing fiercely again. Time to go home and take care of paper work, and schedule pre-opt. with my primary physician.

Follow up Doctor Appt.

Well, I had a follow up with the swallow specialist last Friday, April 6, 2018. He wants to do surgery to remove part of the epiglottis to help me swallow easier, scheduled for June 14, 2018, Flag Day. A week after the surgery I will have another swallow study. Won't know the time till I call the Monday before the surgery. With the type of surgery I had (jaw replacement) it's common to have to resection the epiglottis to get it out of the way of the esophagus.

Currently, I'm at extended Stay America, in a reduced rate room, provided by American Cancer Society and Extended Stay America, I have a doctor appt. tomorrow to check on lower leg skin graft. It's all healed up so just a formality.

I have been having lots of feelings of isolation and depression lately. No one can really understand all the consequences of never being able to eat solid food again. I know I've been isolating my self also, I just don't want to be around people in general. We just don't realize how much our culture is focused on food, the preparation, smells, talking about it and of course eating it. I want to get involved in volunteering some but then I also want my freedom to go and travel more once I do recover. Also, very difficult to even try to talk to people.

Difficult times but I'll get through it. Helps just to put it down in writing.

Mad as HELL!!!